Imagine a worker in a small business who wants to ask her employer for a day off.
WORKER: Hey, can I have Friday off?
BOSS: *exaggerated shocked expression* I don’t know! Can you?!
WORKER: Uh … may I have Friday off?
BOSS: What’s the magic word?
The boss has the power. He can probably get her to utter, “Mr. Smith, may I please have next Friday off?” or whatever happens to stroke his particular ego. However, any onlooker would correctly identify him as a manipulative, power-tripping jerkwad.
In fact, we’d probably say that he’s treating her “like a child.”
Why is this behavior acceptable when directed towards the young? We rationalize it by saying that the kids need to learn manners, but why is this so, when the manners in question only apply to children? No adult would freely say something as artificial as “Mr. Smith, may I please …” in normal conversation. That being the case, why do kids need to learn this?
We’re making them do pointless tricks for us. We want them to learn it because it pleases the adults. It’s not about respect or manners; it’s about submission. The adult is demanding deference, not politeness, which is why we can easily identify the real culprit when both parties are at least 30 years old.